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Overcoming Fears: Lowering The Gradient In An Effort To Meet Up With Women And Relate To Girls
A couple of weeks ago one of my friends asked a question that i thought was worth talking about. He inquired about how to overcome fears which pop up at times - even when everything is going great.
To be honest it is not an easy question to reply to considering that it differs for every person. There are literally thousands of books which have been written on that matter alone. However, one of the best techniques I have used to overcome my fears generally involves lowering the gradient.
Exactly what are gradients? Gradients are just like steps on a ladder. If you try to reach the top of the ladder on your first step, it will be impossible and you may not succeed. If you keep trying it again and again you will start building up a "complex" regarding failing, and soon stop trying anymore.
If you try to leap up five or six steps in your first try, it will also be frightening - not really impossible but frightening. Probability is that if you have no experiences jumping that high you will fail too.
The proper approach is to take the initial step and then advance one-step at a time. It is the most secure method to climb a ladder.
Here are some examples of how I apply that to get over fears which pop up in meeting women and dating women:
As many guys do, I often go out to meet women in a social setting. This can be especially frightening. Therefore I am approaching a good looking woman in a social setting, instead of telling her how gorgeous she is and how much I am fascinated by her (which exposes my fear of being shot down in front of a lot of people and embarrassed) I lower the gradient of approach and just say "Hi." If a girl likes you or has an interest in you she will discover a means to continue the conversation. If she doesn't then i understand she has no interest in me and the simple "Hi" just shows that I am friendly - not necessarily even flirting - so I don't feel shot down in front of other people.
If I am starting to date a woman and I am afraid of taking the next step of trying to get intimate with her, I will not ask her "Would you like to get intimate?" I take a lower gradient and ask her if she wants to chill, get cozy, and just watch a movie at my place. If she doesn't want to get intimate she certainly won't want to be alone with me, getting cozy at my home. Or instead of trying to suddenly "kiss her", I will just hold her hand or give her gentle touches every now and again to discover how responsive she is to my touch. If she likes my touch she will begin touching me back to render me with the go ahead signal.
These are some examples. When you feel uneasy and scared simply try to consider a lower gradient that isn't as frightening and lets you make forward progress toward your main goal. If you do this you will learn how to meet women and how to connect with them in a short time.
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